Posted by: Alex
Around 4 years back I started a countdown to a much anticipated vacation. I started about three months out, and crossed the days off on a small calendar I printed and keep on my desk at work.
The calendar proved pretty useful - it was in plain view 5 days a week – and I started using it for keeping track of planned events, mostly horse shows and closing dates for entries to those shows. As a result I kept printing my calendars, keeping 2 months up at any given time. I also continued to cross of the days as they passed. It became part of my routine. Get to work, cross off yesterday, get coffee and carry on with my day. I’m still doing it now, 4 years later.
It crosses my mind every now an then that this is much like a prisoner counting off the days of his sentence in lines on the wall. Despite this gloomy perception I have been unable to break thehabit. I need that part of my morning routine. It also makes it easy to spot today’s date at first glance.
It also fits with my life perception that my best days are still ahead of me, and that’s not so bad, is it? Or maybe it is…
I commented to a friend the other day that I feel like I’m still on life’s starting blocks, but hell, I’m 28! If I haven’t got going yet, then when will I? I think my perpetual expectation that tomorrow will be better; tomorrow I will do more, takes away from what I have already achieved and really, I haven’t done badly for myself. I just haven’t done much of what was on my list. You know what it’s like: set yourself a list of things to do in a day and by then end of the day you have only ticked off a couple things from that list. Still, you’ve been busy all day and you’ve done quite a few enjoyable things in the process.
Building a career in IT never was on my list, but I’ve done that pretty well. Getting married wasn’t on my list for at least another 4 or 5 years but I’ve done that too, and believe me, it has been and still is the most wonderful experience. Domesticating myself wasn’t ever going to be on my list, but guess what? I did 3 loads of washing while working from home today and cooked dinner. The horse-riding was on the list, but in a different direction to the one I have ended up taking.
Perhaps the list needs updating. I’m not who I thought I was going to be, but I like who I am none the less. I think I’ll take some time out for the remainder of 2007 to reflect on what I have achieved, and scrap that old list; it’s no longer applicable here.
I doubt this will stop me from crossing the days of my calendar though, but I hope it’ll be with a sense of achievement, not with a sense of perpetual urgency to get myself to someplace else …
January 10th, 2008 at 8:20 am
Thank you delurking with a very sweet comment on my blog. It’s very late here, and seeing as how I can’t sleep, I’m so grateful for your comment, because now I have a new blog to rummage through!