I’ve posted before about my fear and loathing for inter-stall restroom communication. It just totally freaks me out that people will hold conversations while performing bodily functions. Afterwards at the sink is fine, but if either party is in the stall this is a complete no go, and this obviously extends to cell phone conversations too.

Well this morning I was left totally gob smacked. I was sitting in the stall doing minding my own business when a woman walked in and occupied the stall next to mine. She closed the door, sat down, and then took out her cell phone to make a call! Taking a call could be understandable, if still not acceptable, under certain circumstances but actually making the call?!

The recipient wasn’t there but she left a voicemail, at just about the same time she started a torrential wee accompanied by a great big fart. Recorded into someone’s voicemail box. I could not believe it.

I was so totally embarrassed for her (not that I think she was, but I thought she should be and I get embarrassed for other people…) that I couldn’t possibly run the risk seeing who it was. She left her name on the voicemail and it wasn’t anyone I know. I sat in my stall until she left the restroom, after what felt like an age as she, by the sounds of it, washed her hands, touched up her make-up, combed her hair and took her morning vitamins.

No matter how much of a hurry I was in, I could just never do that! It’s plain wrong! Or am I just a prude?

In a conversation a little while back a colleague mentioned that he’d heard someone having a conversation in the bathroom. Like not at the basin, but actually in the stall, on the throne … This is one thing that really makes me cringe. I’m quite sure the person you’re talking to can tell? How do you explain the flushing noises? “No hunny, I’m not on the toilet, it’s just raining outside”?

As for office toilet etiquette I’d go as far as to say that I would never talk from the stall. Not even if I’m conversing merrily with someone as we walk together towards the toilets. Once that stall door in closed, I’m zipped. Even when someone I know walks in, talking to someone else I know, and I have something I’d really like to add to the conversation? I bite my tongue. When I’m done in the loo, washing my hands at the basin I can say my piece, but not till the other person it out their stall.

And people who don’t wait to check that everything flushed cleanly before they leave? My all time worst. I actually thought the Biscuit’s automated flushing device in Ally McBeal was a great idea. Anyone know where I could get me one of those?